Twin Flames?

I have recently been introduced to idea of "twin flames."

I've heard of soul mates - and whether or not you believe in soul mates, we have all heard of this particular term.

But I had never heard of a "twin flame." Apparently I read too much Elephant Journal, which, incidentally is also the website where I learned all about empaths. I like Elephant Journal, don't get me wrong, but sometimes even I have to pause and wonder what the hell they're talking about.

Now I don't want to poo-poo anyone's belief in woo woo stuff. I believe in some woo woo stuff. I have empathic abilities and believe in the power of dreams, and I'm also one of those lunatics who has a relationship with a higher being (in my case, Jesus, but whatever).

But believing one is destined to be with another person on a higher plane of existence - and possibly a person they've never met, like that guy sitting across the way on the subway, or even a celebrity - rings the crazy bell, even for me. I mean, really, if we can all play this game, can I be twin flames with Bryan Adams? I did have a dream about him the other night where we were planning the biggest wedding this town has ever seen, and everyone was attending. There was a decent amount of detail in the whole thing too, and it was one of those vivid dreams, where you feel like you are actually living it.

Or even better, my twin flame can be Chris Evans. But not really Chris Evans, Captain America.

Actually, if there's no stopping this crazy train, my twin flame will always and forever be Luke Skywalker. He is destined to be my forever, and if the two of us ever have a kid together, it'll be Will Byers on Stranger Things. I love that kid.

See, we all have fantasies, but I guess the difference between those of us living on this plane of existence, and those living actively in Fantasyland is that we are aware of the fact they are just fantasies.

Maybe if I believe hard enough, Luke will come in and sweep me off my feet. But it has to be seventies Luke, not this bullshit Disney has cranked out in their newest movies.

But I digress.

Being ever fascinated with and a connoisseur of human folly, I had to satiate my curiosity by looking up exactly what twin flames are. They aren't as simple as soul mates, I guess. And there is a list of signs that let you know if you are twin flames with someone including such gems as:

• You're convinced you're meant to be, though your relationship keeps not working out.
• They come in and out of your life.
• They feel like home.
• You are the epitome of Yin and Yang.
• Though you experience incredible passion with this person, there is an equal amount of worry and uncertainty.
• It seems like you have this profound connection that must be destined, but you come into each others' lives at the wrong time or something else stands in the way of you being together.
• It seems like you're always pulled back to them.

These aren't all of them. They are just the ones that sounded particularly horrendous to me.

And as I read through this list, the increasing dread of "Well, fuck," enveloped me as I realized they were basically just talking about the Drug Dealing Felon.

Because, sure, you want your twin flame to be a drug dealing felon.

You ever notice how people's twin flames tend to be some colossal douchebag who will never amount to anything? Why can't a twin flame ever be someone nice and normal, like one's current significant other, or the White Knight I dated from two summers ago, or even Bob the Brain on Stranger Things? Incidentally, I love Bob the Brain. I love Sean Astin. I think Sean Astin's wife is a very lucky woman, he seems like a solid guy. A bit boring. Nice. Absolutely nothing exciting about him, and he has love handles. But I bet he'd give anyone the shirt off his back.

Here's the problem I have with things like this. It's like soul mates, which I do believe in, but they are not necessarily romantic. My soul mates include my two best friends, and a morbidly obese cat. These are healthy relationships where we all bring out the best in each other, care about each other, support each other (well, as long as I keep Puckett's food bowl filled), and have mutual respect for each other.

This twin flame business gives me pause as it romanticizes something that is extremely toxic and unhealthy. I guess, let's say someone has this profound connection with someone and they are just meant to be and their relationship is actually healthy. But according to the above list, this really sounds more like a codependent relationship between two people that can't admit to how dysfunctional they really are.

Let's break this down.

1. You're convinced you're meant to be, even though the relationship keeps not working out.

Okay, well, how fun is that? All this does is cause a bunch of anxiety and cuticle biting, because you desperately want to be with this person even though you know ultimately the relationship will end. Several times if you keep going back to them.

Which brings us to:
2. They come in and out of your life.

If you are meant to be, wouldn't you just stay in each others' lives? Wouldn't you want to? Wouldn't that be the whole point?

3. They feel like home.
Oh, do they? All that anxiety and cuticle biting and waiting with breath that is bated for them to once again pack their bags and leave in pursuit of the mythical "something better" makes you feel like home? Yeah, the Drug Dealing Felon did tell me that one once, that I was like "home" to him. Well, he ran away from home and never returned.

And remember the old saying, "You can't go home again."

4.  You are the epitome of Yin and Yang.
Not sure what this means other than they are your complete opposite, or else you are the angel while they are the complete devil. And yes, in my situation that would be a fair description of things.

I'm not even touching on the intense passion mixed with worry and uncertainty. That just goes back to extreme anxiety (like, we all don't have enough of that in our lives), and cuticle biting.

5.  It seems like you have this profound connection that must be destined, but you keep coming into each others' lives at the wrong time.

That's not a twin flame, that's just bad timing and a douchebag who wants what he can't have. Because let's face it, coming into each others' lives at the wrong time usually means one of you is married or engaged, and then we are moving into cheaters' territory.

And that's sexy.

6.  It seems like you're always pulled back to them.
Yes, because this relationship is codependent.

Now, again, I don't mean to poo poo on woo woo things since I do like Practical Magic, and I do wish casting spells would work sometimes. But this whole twin flames things just sounds like a bunch of misery that could be avoided if people just admitted that they have an intense attraction to someone who is not a fantasy, just a person, and is probably not going to be a good match. We've all been there. And it sucks. It might be romantic in the movies and TV: Buffy and Angel (Buffy the Vampire Slayer), Blair and Chuck (Gossip Girl), Heathcliff and Catherine (Wuthering Heights), Aria and her teacher, Ezra (Pretty Little Liars). And that last one is only sweet and cute on TV. If you think about it too hard in real life, it's fucking creepy.

There are a host more, particularly in vampire lore (Edward and Bella? Damon and Elena?), but again, no one really wants a relationship like that in real life. It sounds exhausting. And emotionally destructive.

I'd rather go back to my fundamental belief in soul mates, as there definitely are people out there we have intense connections with, where we feel like we just landed here from the same planet. But those relationships should be healthy, not toxic. Those relationships should help us grow and become better people. And those relationships should not have us sitting in a corner, rocking and biting our nails when the person walks out on us for the last time.

Because I'm here to tell you, rocking in a corner biting your nails to the quick is not a fun and happy thing that should be repeated over and over. I mean, really, if the idiot keeps coming back into your life, you might be destined to rock and chew your fingers to nubs ten times before you come to your senses and just declare your twin flame the milk chocolate truffles that are sitting in your refrigerator.

At least those will make you happy.

I love my boyfriend. He's not my twin flame obviously, because he does not make me constantly miserable as is demonstrated by the above list.

I also love my obese cat because she makes me happy when she snuggles up to me and purrs, or stares at me with big mushy eyes. She too does not cause neverending misery.

And I love my two best friends who listen to my problems and support me, but also tell me I'm being stupid when I am, and have definitely never left me in a corner rocking and chewing my cuticles.

You can't compete with a twin flame. You can't compete with fantasies. You're better off finding someone not determined to be miserable because they will never be with the twin flame they yearn for.

Relationships are just odd all they way around, I guess.

And for that, there is chocolate.

The truffles du jour are these lovely milk chocolate ganache truffles. I added a splash of Godiva chocolate liquer to the ganache, and coated the truffles with a mix of 72% and 85% cacao dark chocolate.

The result was a beautifully tempered bittersweet chocolate shell encasing a creamy, sweet milk chocolate center with an extra chocolaty flavor.

Unfortunately, I neglected to store my truffles properly (and away from moisture), so they did bloom a little bit, as can be seen by the light swirls on the chocolate. When I really want to impress, I cheat the possibility of blooming by rolling the truffles in cocoa powder. 

But they were tasty, and paired very well with this Italian Rose.