Saturday, July 25, 2015

The Tidy Bowl

My employee is my new best friend.  Seriously, in my eyes, she is a goddess.  I have worked with this particular lady for several years now and she has always demonstrated exemplary performance in the workplace with her meticulous attention to detail and her drive to be constantly busy doing something.  She also has a wicked sense of humor that comes out against some of our more colorful patrons at the library.  I have always liked her but the other day she did something so amazing, so beyond the call of duty, that I have elevated her to goddess stature.

On her next performance evaluation she gets an A++.  Five stars across the board.  "This employee deserves a raise!"

What did she do that was so amazing?  She introduced me to most amazing cat litter ever.

Having owned cats all my life I have no idea how this particular brand of "How to Make Your Life Ten Times Easier" escaped my notice in the past, but now that I have been shown the light I am in love.

I am in love with my cat litter.

I may be a little in love with my employee too, but that's another story.

A little backstory is needed here.  I have three cats - three spawns of the devil to be more precise.  And they do nothing but pee and poop.  Particularly my male, Percy.   I have mentioned in previous posts how this little guy enjoys announcing to the world when he is on the verge of a bowel movement by yowling for twenty minutes.  Then he'll scratch in the box for another twenty minutes.  Then he'll finish by racing through the house at the speed of light and the sound of elephants for five more minutes yowling his head off yet again as if expecting praise for a deed well done. This occurs at least two times a day and he pees twice as much.  As a matter of fact, if there is a clean box in the house then it is his sworn duty to make sure he messes it up as quickly as possible.  He will poop in one box and pee in another.  If I am cleaning a box he will sit beside me with his baleful green eyes demanding me to hurry up so he can soil it.

Precious does not enjoy a dirty toilette.

Puckett, my twenty pound queen bee, is mortified that she eliminates at all.  She is in and out of the box as fast as possible, always glancing furtively over her shoulder as though she doesn't want anyone to see her.  How dare anyone think she does such disgraceful things!

Willow, the neurotic hot mess, doesn't bother with the box at all, preferring to pee on the carpet.  She has been confined to a cage on a schedule to make sure she uses her own private litter box and as long as we stick to the schedule, she has been sparing the carpet.

The little darling.

Three cats who poop at least twice a day and pee twice as much as that leads up to a lot of waste and we go through a lot of litter.

I clean my litter boxes three times a day.

The litter I've been using in four litter boxes placed strategically throughout the house is biodegradable wood pellets.  It's the litter they used when they were at the animal shelter where I was coerced into adopting them and unleashing them on my unsuspecting quiet life, so being the anxiety ridden mess that I am, I didn't change the litter for fear that making any more changes in their lives would heighten their anxiety.

I needn't have worried.  Percy and Puckett do not have anxiety.  They couldn't care less.  Willow needs a Valium on a daily basis so there is no hope for her.

These wood pellets are the pits.  They are cheap which is great since I go through so much of it.  But they cause a constant haze of wood dust floating through my house that I am quite certain is the reason for my and Puckett's allergies.  We hack, cough, and sneeze constantly.  We sound like we have consumption.  The pellets also smell.  Not like cat waste (unless they have just been "used") but like freshly cut wood.  But not in a good way.  Sometimes wood just smells like musty old wood.  Or plain old sawdust.  And that's what cheap wood pellets smell like because they aren't made from mahogany or redwood or anything.  But I wanted to spare the environment so I used it all this time without being any the wiser that a much better option was available right here in my local Petco.

We have upgraded to the World's Best Cat Litter.  That is actually the name and they are not kidding.  This stuff can be flushed, it's biodegradable, it clumps, and it's dust free.  It has been occupying my litter boxes for almost a day now and I cannot smell wood or cat pee (and as mortified as she is by her own bodily functions, I am here to tell you, Puckett has the worst estrogen-laden smelling pee of any cat I have ever encountered.  At least she uses the box though).  I can't even smell the toxic waste scented dump that Percy left for me earlier in the day.  Or the pee puddle because it's - God love it - a CLUMP.  I can scoop it and flush it down the toilet.


It's made of corn.

More brilliant.  

If Percy doesn't decide his toilet is a snack we are in business.

Willow is the one who will be the real test though.  When I put her in her cage at designated potty time, we will see if she gives me a look to shrivel me on the spot for once again upsetting her life with change, or if she'll actually give me a look like, "Finally, you moronic human.  I've been telling your for years to change that nasty litter."

My employee is a gem among stones.  She should be elevated to knighthood.  Or at least to level-five cat behaviorist.

No comments:

Post a Comment