Tears

I thought I was doing better. I swore, no more tears.

And then Kira went in for surgery.

The vet told me a couple months ago that Kira had a broken molar.  It had a crack in it the size of the San Andreas fault. He said he would need to clean out the tooth to see how bad it was and with the vet bills piling up and the money I spent trying to get rid of the a-hole (and the money I've lost in the stock market) I couldn't schedule an appointment until this month.

It was worse than I expected. I mean it wasn't. I figured that tooth needed to be cut out. I just didn't realize how awful it was and how much work was involved.  The tooth was rotted through and black. The three roots ran deep and needed to be cut out too. If it hadn't been taken care of soon it would have abscessed and it would have been even worse.  I can only imagine the pain.  Poor dog.

So she went in for surgery.

Kira is usually pretty stoic.  Shes not a huge baby. Murphy is the baby. Joy can be a baby too. Kira is more like Tess was. Silent, out of the way.

She whined most of the evening. She tried to sleep as I'm sure the morphine doped her up, but of course Joy and the Gremlins would not let her rest. They had to constantly sniff her over to see where she was all day. She bore it all with the patience of Job. 

As for me, I ended up crying for three hours, rather than my usual two on a Tuesday night. I can't handle it when my animals are in pain. And when they whine it makes my heart hurt worse. And to add insult to injury, I took them all out around 6 p.m. and there was the abusive asshole, parked at his storage unit, getting God knows what out to move to the current flavor of the month, whoever that unlucky woman is. That whole situation pissed me off. The storage unit is right down the block from my house and his particular unit is situated so that he can see right into my backyard. 

So I'm sure he got an eyeful of Murphy and Kira, and not that he cared that Kira just underwent several hours of grueling surgery and now has a hole in her mouth the size of a galaxy. I mean it's good that he doesn't care about the dogs. At least he won't be coming back for them. But there is still a part of me that is furious about that. I mean, Kira was his dog and he just left her. Had he not left her she never would have gotten this surgery and would have ended up with an abscess, I understand that. It all worked out best for Kira, don't get me wrong. I guess that just hurts too. Like I guess none of us mattered at all.

And Murphy? Murphy was his treasure when he was serving a purpose, like being cute enough to pick up chicks while I was at work. Now Murphy doesn't even matter to him.

So I herded everyone back inside as quickly as possible, trying to shield Murphy as best I could, and went to take the poop I scooped out front to the trash. Then he drove by when I was out front. It's like I could not get away from him that night. 

After that the tears would not stop. I literally could not stop crying. It's become my ritual. Every Tuesday night, I sit on the kitchen floor and cry for two hours. That last week I thought I'd finally made a breakthrough and I decided no more tears. Then there we were on a Wednesday night, crying for three hours. Kira had her head in my lap, whining. Murphy sat on the back of the couch behind me and Colleen sat beside me. Joy ignored all of us. 

We were a wreck. I don't know if Kira was whining because of her tooth or if she was whining because I was sobbing on the couch.  Maybe a little of both. Maybe on some level she knew the person who abandoned her had been just a few yards away.

The person who was supposed to be "her" person.

Well, Kira will never be abandoned again. She at least is better off, even with the hole in her mouth. She eats a fresh diet, she has a pack of friends and a warm bed every night. She is loved.

I feel sorry for him. What he's missed out on.