Hypocrisy

 I'm the biggest hypocrite in the world.

I remember when I used to be all "Dogs will NEVER be allowed on the bed!" I mean, dogs are big and hairy and have dirty feet because they go outside.

 Not that cats are any cleaner. They dig around in litter boxes, and they always track litter onto my bed. Really only Willow and Puckett get up on the bed, and Willow usually only stays for a bit before going to sleep in her basket. Spencer will come up for a snuggle and then also disappear.

I used to get pissy with the ex-fiance (not to be confused with the most recent ex, though they are about the same jerk), because he'd let his equally annoying dog up on the bed, and I was always like, no dogs on the bed!

I hated that dog anyway. There was something off about her.

Of course, there was something off about him too.

Thank goodness I didn't marry him.

Also because he said if the dogs aren't allowed on the bed, neither are the cats, and also because he said when his dog and Tess were gone, we were only going to have one dog, and we would definitely not have any more cats because he didn't really like cats.

Yeah, right, buddy, good luck enforcing that one.

But I digress.

Remember when dogs weren't allowed on the bed? And they weren't allowed to eat people food, and I didn't believe in giving them food from plates because they would learn to beg and so on and so forth?

Oh yeah, that all went out the window.

Suddenly my bed at night looks like that meme on the Internet:

         Credit Kelly Angel @anythingcomic

I mean, I don't have a snail or a dung beetle, but that's about how we look at night. A cat on one side, a cat on the other. Colleen tucked under my arm. Murphy stretched across the body pillow along the wall. I actually would invite Kira and Joy up there too, except there is no room. And they do tend to shed more and have dirtier feet than the Gremlins.

I can't wait to get bunnies. They'll be on the bed too, probably. In my fantasy everyone will get along famously. Can you imagine, three cats, some bunnies, and two papillons in a bed? Where the hell am I going to sleep?

And the food thing? 

I am almost ashamed to admit what I've been up to.

First of all, I cook for the dogs. Every other week I buy several pounds of ground beef and chicken, and I cook this huge stockpot with meat, brown rice, sweet potato, bone broth, chia seeds, liver, peas and carrots, and spinach or broccoli depending on what the darlings feel like that week. I mix this up with their kibble and this is what they get fed twice a day. Willow gets sardines. The other two cats would too if they'd eat them, but they won't. I tried to switch Spencer to a raw diet for kitties, but he was having none of it, and Puckett only eats HER kibble. 

And then not only do I cook for the dogs, they always get a few fries when I have fries for dinner. I slip each one a few tastes right from my plate.

I know, I know, it's terrible. So awful. And then I wonder why they beg.

Well, no, I know exactly why they beg. I take full responsibility.

Their other favorite snack is tortilla chips. If I'm having some nachos well, by God, they have to have some tortilla chips (minus the queso - I mean, I'm not trying to kill my dogs with unhealthy food). They get giblets whenever my friend cooks a whole chicken or a turkey. She gives me the insides so they don't go to waste, and my dogs LOVE this. I will buy them fresh chicken livers at the local meat store. But they won't eat them raw. They must be cooked to a tender pate.

The only thing I won't get for the dogs or eat myself anymore is bacon or anything pork. Once they got bacon because it came with a meal kit, and I don't eat bacon so rather than waste it, I cooked it up for the dogs. I'm too much of a pig advocate to endorse eating them. Not that cows and chickens are any less special (though I am less attached to birds), pigs just have a speical place in my heart. 

If i had my way they'd eat venison and elk, but I'm no hunter and I worry about parasites.

Yes, the meat is all organically raised and locally sourced.

Oh, and lately before bed they all get a spoonful of whipped cream, their very own puppuccinos. 

Because dogs don't get human food and should not be fed table scraps. 

My ex-fiance would be furious right now if he could see how I've fallen.

Is it wrong that I get a wicked sort of pleasure at the thought of this? I feel like I'm sticking it to all the abusive assholes in my life who had a problem with my animals. The jackass I dated for a summer who told me to get rid of Puckett and Willow, but I "could keep" Percy and Tess because they were the "cool" pets, like what does that even mean? And the ex-fiance who thought he had any say in the matter of whether I would be "allowed" to get more pets when mine all passed on. Or the recent one who I call AA for Abusive Alcoholic who said Tess was nothing but some dumb old blind dog that I acted like an idiot over. He beat Joy when she misbehaved, and scruffed Murphy when he misbehaved and smacked Kira around that one time she bit me accidentally.

Wow, I've dated a lot of assholes.

I think I'll stick with the animals. And now the only time I'll feel like a hypocrite again is if I ever forsake them by bringing another one of these losers into my life. They deserve better.

 And so do I.